05-13-2014, 02:32 PM
"Messy messes is really pretty bad."
Yeah, I knew that when I wrote it. Any suggestion are gratefully received.
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"a big pile of doggie poo, -- I think the poem begins to err when it results to being lazy to fix the meter."
I probably should have mention that this is in accentual verse, not metrical. Sorry about that.
I could have written it: the BIGest PILE of DOGgie POO. But that kind of throws off the first line.
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"The rhyme is very sing-songy which can be worked with I suppose if you want to take a simple piece and do something crazy with it."
No, that was intentional, I like that line. I don't mind dropping into Seuss rhyme on occasion, I think it's fun. But we'll see what other people think, but in a non-serious poem, I'm fine with it.
Thanks,
Dale
.
Yeah, I knew that when I wrote it. Any suggestion are gratefully received.
________________________________________________________________
"a big pile of doggie poo, -- I think the poem begins to err when it results to being lazy to fix the meter."
I probably should have mention that this is in accentual verse, not metrical. Sorry about that.
I could have written it: the BIGest PILE of DOGgie POO. But that kind of throws off the first line.
__________________________________________________________________
"The rhyme is very sing-songy which can be worked with I suppose if you want to take a simple piece and do something crazy with it."
No, that was intentional, I like that line. I don't mind dropping into Seuss rhyme on occasion, I think it's fun. But we'll see what other people think, but in a non-serious poem, I'm fine with it.
Thanks,
Dale
.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.