control

[71degrees]

Been browsing my older stuff and found this short one- it's basically just about writing poetry into the wee hours of the morning. Feedback appreciated- take it apart!

control

2:50 a.m. and the words just flow
crookedly, but at least they're there
and i bow down to the darkness
for giving me some semblance
of light
in the form of letters, perhaps
but still, something shines
at this time of the night
or the morning, the power
of being there when the numbers change
it feels like control
2:52 a.m. and the words just dance
and i am a puppeteer

I'm a minimalist at heart so would love for you to take all the "and's" out (e.g. 2:52 Words flow
crookedly, but at least they're there) Something like that.

And where's 2:51? Wouldn't mind this split into three sub-poems of a minute per. Not knowing how you read your stuff, these are just suggestions…maybe all the extra words fit your voice / style. But I'm telling ya', those last two sentences would like "nice" pared down.

Nice read. Nice poem. Reads like you might be exercising. Love a word like "puppeteer" to end. What would you think of marionette? Much more specific. Just a thought.