control

[Brownlie]

Been browsing my older stuff and found this short one- it's basically just about writing poetry into the wee hours of the morning. Feedback appreciated- take it apart!

I'll give some feedback that I say you should either take or leave.

control
There are a lot of words like and, and the which may make the piece more verbose than it needs to be.
2:50 a.m. and the words just flow
crookedly, but at least they're there-- This is a good transition into the next line.
and i bow down to the darkness
for giving me some semblance
of light
in the form of letters, perhaps
but still, something shines
at this time of the night
or the morning, the power
of being there when the numbers change
it feels like control
2:52 a.m. and the words just dance
and i am a puppeteer

A running current in what I've seen with what you've written is a sort of building momentum which works well. Unfortunately, I'm just a dried out toss pot so that's the best I can do for now.