Untitled

[poe]

i agree with shem [on the break at groans]
i don't think the line break on the slipped disc line helps any as it feels unnatural when read aloud.
and i'd reinforce ellajams point about not needing [but because]

Stand

I don't want to exist!
I feel like the slipped disc of a solar eclipse.
But since the darkness groans like someone left too long alone.
I often feel the sting,
which means, alas,
that I persist.


This is the result of some changes made after considering your critiques. Thank you for your time. I'd like to know what you think.