05-08-2014, 01:23 PM
You probably won't like this suggestion but... I think I would drop the last stanza and rework S3 like,
Inspired, I pull out the stems
but the tubers stubbornly remain
ready to sprout again after the frost.
I think the last stanza gets into too much explaining, or actually repeating the 3rd stanza.
One other thing (if that isn't enough) wouldn't browning leaves and wilted be the same thing?
I really like these lines:
"This morning I sat nursing my bruised love,
devastated by your coldness last night"
That's my take,
Dale
Inspired, I pull out the stems
but the tubers stubbornly remain
ready to sprout again after the frost.
I think the last stanza gets into too much explaining, or actually repeating the 3rd stanza.
One other thing (if that isn't enough) wouldn't browning leaves and wilted be the same thing?
I really like these lines:
"This morning I sat nursing my bruised love,
devastated by your coldness last night"
That's my take,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.