Earth-to-Earth

[71degrees]

My mother burned
when I was eight

I watched her skin danse macrabre
red-and-orange
ashes-to-ashes now means
everything

The thing is—
of distance, age, and time,
which one closed before she expired?

And most nights my pillow smells
of her, her shriveling mouth,
the voice that once sang
me to sleep as a child

Very strong imagery. I'm not suggesting language, just playing around with what you had to reduce repetition and increase succinctness. I understand the draw to include dust to dust. Keep working with that to find where it adds to the piece.

Most of what you suggest here makes sense. I like folks who play around yet remain positive to the message. For personal reasons, "dust" imagery needs to remain. I will take your advice and keep working to find the place. Thanks.

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The "I watched" is redundant if she died years ago.

Not if I were there at the time. Again, thanks for trying here.