Untitled

[ellajam]

Hi, Tony. I especially like slipped disc/solar eclipse/I persist. Here are a few notes.

I'd like a title.

I don't feel that I exist
I feel like the slipped disc of a You may want to reconsider the triple "feel".
solar eclipse
But because the darkness groans like someone left too long alone, I don't know that you need "but because".
I feel the painful sting
which means, alas,
that I persist

I'd prefer more punctuation, or with some rearranging none at all.

Nice read, thanks.