Untitled

[heslopian]

I don't feel that I exist Could a comma go here?
I feel like the slipped disc of a
solar eclipse Amusing pun, and quite evocative.
But because the darkness groans like someone left too long alone, I think "alone" should come after "left", but this is an elegant and powerful line. Also, is the comma needed?
I feel the painful sting
which means, alas,
that I persist

The poem could use a few more unique images, but it's a quite nicely written little verse about (I assume) isolation and sadness. Thank you for the read