violent sunrise on the island

[billy]

i never stated that i saw threw my thoughts across the sand as a metaphor for getting rid of problems.

i did and it's one of the reasons i liked it. it's one of those metaphors you can relate to even if it was meant to mean something else.

---

thankfully not a big edit. the contraction works well. while it reads well without, i think i liked the up and down of the last edit, they added a sort of slow motion to the imagery of the piece...but that's just my pov.

i'd be very wary of going on with to many edits from here. perhaps let it rest a while and then tweak it if needed in a months time.

A poem I wrote after a Long Beach (on Vancouver Island) trip. Looking for feedback/criticism on, like, everything! I've never been on a site that gives actual feedback and I really appreciate how things work here. . Fire away

This is Version #3

Violent Sunrise on the Island

As the white moon roared over the mountains
and the black sky slid toward the sea
my silent footsteps screamed these words at me-
a violent sunrise is on the way,
and nature's never been
more dear to me
than now.
I answered back, threw my thoughts
across the sand
and shattered them on the horizon,
watched them fall among the trees near shore
and heard the roots beneath me somehow rustle.
Foreign land shifted around me,
and I felt glorious and alone.
The blue sun rose from the water,
the waves crashed over my feet,
and the violent sunrise was over,
leaving daylight,
clear skies
and me.


This is Version #2

Violent Sunrise on the Island
As the white moon roared over the mountains
and the black sky slid down toward the sea
my silent footsteps screamed these words at me-
a violent sunrise is on the way,
and nature's never been
more dear to me
than now.
I answered back, threw my thoughts
across the sand
and shattered them on the horizon,
watched them fall among the trees near shore
and heard the roots beneath me somehow rustle.
Foreign land shifted around me,
and here, hours from home,
I felt glorious and alone.
The blue sun rose up from the water,
the waves crashed down at my feet,
and the violent sunrise was over,
leaving daylight,
clear skies
and me.