Magnificence
#5
Thank you for your input. I will check my punctuation. I'm still trying to figure out punctuation in poetry because I know how important it can be. Thank you again!

(04-27-2014, 12:47 AM)ChristopherSea Wrote:  I am a tree loving fanatic. I have planting over 75 of them covering more than 20 species. I have many tree poems and references in my work. I feel the pain herein. Sad

This is a nice 'Elegy to Quercus', but bittersweet of course. You have portrayed the tragedy well. I like concrete poetry and center alignment is a good idea for this particular poem, as it resembles the gnarled and twisted trunk, as well as the shaggy bark of an old oak (I am a bonsai enthusiast too). I wonder if you could do even more with it, offsetting lines to the left and right to create more of a twisted trunk. It is a bit difficult to space in MyCode, but there are instructions on site:


http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.p...hite+space

You should recheck your punctuation; the first line needs a period or colon after tree. You have a few comas that should serve as natural breaks. However, you enjamb one word after them several times. You also have a semicolon followed by a capital (...life; Magnificence...). Check this to see if you want a period, comma or semicolon there and correct the cap or complete the sentence accordingly. Also, you have used 'magnificence' a least five times, including the title and you may want to consider substituting some alternates. Majesty and splendor came to mind.

Nice job and welcome to the site. Thumbsup Cheers/Chris
The Silverwood poet
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Messages In This Thread
Magnificence - by aerickson - 04-26-2014, 05:59 AM
RE: Magnificence - by ellajam - 04-26-2014, 07:26 PM
RE: Magnificence - by aerickson - 04-26-2014, 11:04 PM
RE: Magnificence - by aerickson - 04-28-2014, 12:32 PM
RE: Magnificence - by ChristopherSea - 04-27-2014, 12:47 AM
RE: Magnificence - by aerickson - 04-27-2014, 06:09 AM
RE: Magnificence - by ChristopherSea - 04-29-2014, 09:13 PM
RE: Magnificence - by Leanne - 04-28-2014, 01:57 PM
RE: Magnificence - by aerickson - 05-06-2014, 10:43 AM



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