Magnificence

[ellajam]

Hi and welcome. Thanks for the fine critiques you've given others.

There's a lot here I like. I'm not a fan of the center alignment, I understand it suits the subject, but for me it doesn't add enough to justify the less comfortable read (and you can edit to clean up those loose aligns at the bottom ).

Here are a few notes.

Magnificence
Elegy for an old Oak tree

Twisted like an old man;
A senescent magnificence with
Thousands of curling fingers
Lower case thousands
stretching desperately for his lover,
I like the whole relationship here.
but never grasping, never having,
only yearning;
too many limbs hanging with age,
he is too empty to be filled again.
Only his hunger remains.
She is too far, too high above him.
She's always been that high above him, your point?
Her brightness can never be owned,
only gazed at.
Her luminous eye watches him tenderly,
but age has left him blind, and
"And" and "so" are noticeably weak breaks.
as a blind man taps his cane, so
he taps the sky fruitlessly.
All alone but for the rare leaf
clinging in an odd loyalty to an old life;
The semicolon confused me, I applied the next line to the leaf.
Magnificence crumbling in on itself while
laughing wind mocks his efforts;
howling around his rough skin
and greedily pulling at errant twigs.
It is not long now.
The opus of the oak and the sun
Opus was a surprise here, not sure it fits.
will falter
and lay quiet on the forest floor.
But the sun will not forget her lover.
Love this whole ending, very effective.
Hers is an everlasting passion.
She will gaze lovingly upon him,
coaxing life from death;
raising a new memorial
to his magnificence.

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Thanks for the read, I live where the oaks reach for the sun over the houses, scary.
Ours become firewood, I really enjoyed yours replenishing the forest floor.

Oh, and I think you've posted enough to have this moved to a workshop, just ask a mod if you're interested.