I Wished I Was The Water -edited

[Gestalt222]

i've missed a lot of stuff lately and i can't play catch up but i saw this as it was near the top of the pile welcome to the site. it's a fun piece and for me enjoying a poem is the most important...i enjoyed this one because of light heartedness and also because it works on a deeper level of wanting something you don't, or can't have.

thanks for the read and the shower.

2nd edit
The Shower


As I watched you in the shower,
my wanton thoughts untold,
how I wished I was the water
that gently, warmly flowed

and beaded on your moistened skin
as if by pure attraction;
as if to so caress you gave this line out and out doesn't work for me. i have to keep repeating it to get it right. a suggestion would be [and with and with one small caress you gave]
the water satisfaction.

I thought of Zeus as loving rain
o’er lonely Danae streaming
as rivulets of water left
your body wet and gleaming.

I pondered on which lucky drop
I should most like to be
and whereabouts on you to cling
if it were up to me.

Then your tongue – it swept your lip
and drew a drop inside...
Blessed fate! To be that drop a suggestion would be [Bless'd fate! To be that lucky drop] to keep the meter but in retrospect maybe not as the meter is off in other places.
and on those lips to die!

I have to agree that adding lucky drop would really make the poem flow better, even if you have lucky before. My suggestion would be to change the first lucky to happy, since all the drops are happy right?