violent sunrise on the island

[tectak]

A poem I wrote after a Long Beach trip. Looking for feedback/criticism on, like, everything! I've never been on a site that gives actual feedback and I really appreciate how things work here. Note: let me know if the no-caps style works or doesn't. Fire away

violent sunrise on the island

as the white moon roared over the mountains
and the black sky slid down toward the sea
my silent footsteps screamed the words at me
a violent sunrise is on the way
and nature's never been
more dear to me
than now
i answered back, threw my thoughts
across the sand
and shattered them on the horizon
watched them fall among the trees near shore
and heard the roots beneath me rustle
foreign land shifted around me
and here, hours from home
i felt glorious and alone
as the blue sun rose up from the water
and the waves crashed down at my feet
and the violent sunrise was over
leaving daylight
clear skies
and me

Hi rsaba,
Consistency substitutes for competancy. Be inconsistent and it looks like incompetance. No punctuation? Just one comma takes away the intent...so punctuate to clarity or risk obfuscation as the pedants like me try to unravel endless sentences
This is pleasingly metaphysical but needs some work to avoid splitting your thoughts in to gestalts. What is the old bugger on about? Well, all the as/and uses become terribly halting. You do not need to link-think your way through such a rich AND consistent journey. I won't advise you on how to do this because I think you know
"nature's never"...just as rollingly acceptable as "nature is never" as you have not tried, definitely NOT tried, to make meter master. Nor should you. Words and concepts rule OK?
Play from strength...always a good strategy.
This is me liking it.
Very best,
tectak