violent sunrise on the island

[RSaba]

A poem I wrote after a Long Beach (on Vancouver Island) trip. Looking for feedback/criticism on, like, everything! I've never been on a site that gives actual feedback and I really appreciate how things work here. . Fire away

This is Version #3

Violent Sunrise on the Island

As the white moon roared over the mountains
and the black sky slid toward the sea
my silent footsteps screamed these words at me-
a violent sunrise is on the way,
and nature's never been
more dear to me
than now.
I answered back, threw my thoughts
across the sand
and shattered them on the horizon,
watched them fall among the trees near shore
and heard the roots beneath me somehow rustle.
Foreign land shifted around me,
and I felt glorious and alone.
The blue sun rose from the water,
the waves crashed over my feet,
and the violent sunrise was over,
leaving daylight,
clear skies
and me.


This is Version #2

Violent Sunrise on the Island
As the white moon roared over the mountains
and the black sky slid down toward the sea
my silent footsteps screamed these words at me-
a violent sunrise is on the way,
and nature's never been
more dear to me
than now.
I answered back, threw my thoughts
across the sand
and shattered them on the horizon,
watched them fall among the trees near shore
and heard the roots beneath me somehow rustle.
Foreign land shifted around me,
and here, hours from home,
I felt glorious and alone.
The blue sun rose up from the water,
the waves crashed down at my feet,
and the violent sunrise was over,
leaving daylight,
clear skies
and me.