04-24-2014, 08:30 AM
(04-24-2014, 03:18 AM)painter not a poet Wrote: achy crimson crampsHi, I won't be too serious with my critique seeing as though you said it was just for fun.
my vagina hates me now
womanhood is hard
This was just for fun? But as always critiques are welcome!
"Crimson" is too tame and polite and I would suggest making the first line as brutally honest and straightforward as the second one.
I'm guessing that you weren't going for a double-entendre in the last line but "wo- manhood is hard" sticks out like a errrmm "hard manhood".
It's not strictly a haiku, and I feel that because you stayed with the 5-7-5 format (which isn't really necessary in haiku) your poem suffered slightly, whereas if you had wrote a short poem on the same subject I feel that the freedom from the restrictions of 5-7-5 would help.
Ooopss, did I say I wouldn't be to serious with my critique, sorry if I've gone a bit too far.
As compensation here is an anagram I saw a while ago that is relevant to your post...
The menstrual cycle - My c*nt creates hell
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie

