Unicorn

[painter not a poet]

Every breath and lyric sang
a memory that speaks your name ("sang" and "speaks" need to share the same tense; I would suggest changing "sang" to "sings" because the action seems ongoing)
wandering, wrenching, lost infatuation (it's unclear here whether "wandering" and "wrenching" are intended to be used as verbs or adjectives, particularly since you've chosen to switch to "lost"; I would rethink "lost" here because of the confusion)
you took his body but stole my heart (nice)

We let you in and you shared our bed
elated, joy, swirled anticipation
but you never felt the same

Memories, haunting my weary mind
fits of rage, sorrow, agony
gone for months but still remain
hide you deep and choke you down

Forever seemed to come and go
your empty promises, looks and lies
a gentle kiss, with poison sealed
darkness crept, the sparkle gone

I like the first stanza a lot, but the remaining stanzas are fairly mediocre. The idea is good. Perhaps just some more interesting language choices to convey the notions?

Thank you for the critique. I agree with some of the language issues. Its something I will have to keep in mind when creating in the future. Feedback is so important, so I am thankful.

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Hi!

I truthfully loved this, and although one could argue about the rhythm, I would personally defend it. I write in a similar fashion to you. I loved the descriptions you used. Can't wait to read more

Thanks for the encouragement. I will have to read some of yours!