Dragon flight (for Marianne )

[tectak]

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Fiery breath lights blackest night,
a ruby comet falling fast,Conventional wisdom would probably, only probably, suggest a semicolon here. You are deconstructing a metaphor but holding on to the bricks.
beating wings of dragon’s flight,
know this sight to be your last.For me, this is awkward. The "your" does not relate to anything except "beating wings". I know that is not what you mean but as I said...it is awkward.

Like the clouds up in the sky,
part will live, part will die,
the lowest lows, the highest highs,
as the dragon shows its might.This is a superfluous stanza in that it is so isolated as a simile that the metaphor cannot find a way back in. Live, die, high, low er...enter the dragon?

Burning red a pulsing disc,Aw the hell...
Burning red, a pulsing disc
follows orange and then the green;
rising force, a willow wisp
up the spine, remains unseen.

I may have changed the meaning with this punctuation but as I don't know what you mean anyway I can't be sure. Red is stop, green is go...but orange is advisory.


follows orange, and then the green,
rising force a willow wisp,
up the spine, remains unseen.

Now the blue and the violet,
opens up the unseen view,Contradiction in terms and unseen unseen...is that "seen" by double negative? Opens up the once hid view? Your poem.
overwhelmed by sinking silence,
bewildered mumblings, oft confused.

When at last the storm is over,
and the light comes from above,
note with awe the transformation,
dragon’s now become a dove.Just "Dragon now becomes a dove" works for me.

©2014 –Erthona

nota bene: accentual verse in tetrameter

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Interesting diversion for you, Dale. Tinkering in the tetrameter can get a little nursery-rhyme-ish but what's wrong with that, I wanna know, so here I go...again. I am considering asking for a ban on dragons, monsters, voids and visions as well as awesome and wow. What say you?
This is me liking it but not a lot.
Best,
tectak