04-23-2014, 11:59 AM
Gestalt222 Thanks for the feedback.
"dragon's" was not meant to be plural or possessive, it was meant as a contraction (dragon has). I think I originally had
The dragon’s now become a dove. Which probably would have made that clearer, still I may add the has in, as it doesn't affect the line in anyway.
"(parts) will live, (parts) will die," Yeah that's a typo, thanks for catching that, it should be "part" singular. This has to do with personality transformation from the use of kundalini yoga, so the cloud/clouds are metaphors for the personality, which tends to be nebulas, like clouds. The colors represent the chakras so "the" has to precede "green" as "green" represents the "heart chakra" and if you said "heart chakra" it would need a definite article to precede it. Some of your suggestion on commas I may to look up, I'm bad with commas. I threw this together fairly quickly and when I do that I tend to over-comma
So thanks for all your suggestions, you gave very good feedback and we need more of that around here.
Dale
PS I think I will change that last line to "The dragon has become a dove."
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BF,
The second stanza refers to the personality transformation that is described later. This is a transformation related to kundalini yoga. The clouds refer to the personality, as the dragon flies through he burns off the unnecessary aspects, personality flaws, or whatever holds us back from becoming whatever it is we are to become.
Thanks for your feedback it is appreciated. Even if I do not necessarily incorporate an idea, it still forces me to justify to my self my rational for what I have done, so feedback is always invaluable.
Thank you,
Dale
"dragon's" was not meant to be plural or possessive, it was meant as a contraction (dragon has). I think I originally had
The dragon’s now become a dove. Which probably would have made that clearer, still I may add the has in, as it doesn't affect the line in anyway.
"(parts) will live, (parts) will die," Yeah that's a typo, thanks for catching that, it should be "part" singular. This has to do with personality transformation from the use of kundalini yoga, so the cloud/clouds are metaphors for the personality, which tends to be nebulas, like clouds. The colors represent the chakras so "the" has to precede "green" as "green" represents the "heart chakra" and if you said "heart chakra" it would need a definite article to precede it. Some of your suggestion on commas I may to look up, I'm bad with commas. I threw this together fairly quickly and when I do that I tend to over-comma
So thanks for all your suggestions, you gave very good feedback and we need more of that around here.
Dale
PS I think I will change that last line to "The dragon has become a dove."
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
BF,
The second stanza refers to the personality transformation that is described later. This is a transformation related to kundalini yoga. The clouds refer to the personality, as the dragon flies through he burns off the unnecessary aspects, personality flaws, or whatever holds us back from becoming whatever it is we are to become.
Thanks for your feedback it is appreciated. Even if I do not necessarily incorporate an idea, it still forces me to justify to my self my rational for what I have done, so feedback is always invaluable.
Thank you,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.