Westminster argues over figures

[tomoffing]

hey amiapoet

You're in challenging territory for being original here, as other's have mentioned.

Couple of other thoughts below

As the soldier's wife cries cliched
and the homeless man dies,
Westminster argues over figures. Can't quite say why, but I feel as though "the figures" would work better here? imo

The Man who writes the papers
says the streets are getting safer, i like this idea, expand it
but the abandoned boy still pulls the trigger.


So the tired bell rings can a bell be tired? I know what you mean but you can do better.
and the choir boy sings,
while blind moths get sucked to the Light.

"Take this bread and this wine
and you'll all be just fine!"
(So long as you're rich and you're white.)


But, without ever slowing, why the conjunction here?
the deep river keeps flowing: what's the deep river?
its course unaltered by choices.

This determined force carries determined implies the force is conscious, which conflicts with its course being unalterable by choice in the previous line. I know that's not your meaning, but its there. ceaseless/relentlesss would be better me thinks
all the Toms, Dicks and Harries,
while oblivious to each of their voices.

Where to from here?
First, decide on your meter and rhythm one way or the other. If you wish to use a set structure I think its important to maintain it fairly rigorously. If you stray on line length & meter (as you do here) it becomes a hindrance to the reader; half the effort is expended interpreting that.
Structure should always seek to reinforce the experience. If it doesn't, cut it.

Second, strip out the grand ideas (moths to light, rich and white, the river)
Present your characters and their interaction to me (widow, dead man, the boy, the newspaper man and the MP) then let that story speak to the louder message.

best of luck. thanks a lot for the read.