04-23-2014, 02:14 AM
I like the meaning. You basically get the message across in the first two sentences and then explain its effect. Its simple and to the point. We all struggle to know what is real although i would use the word truth, and the pursuit of truth is a hard and noble one and i think you communicate that well. To write well on the concept of truth we must first learn about truth and from this poem you sound like someone who is not yet there. If your going to write about enlightenment you must first be enlightened and that is not as easy as stringing a few tight metaphors together. Its real life experience. Your on the right tracks as far as i can see though 