04-22-2014, 06:50 AM
I like the "I eat my hair" image. It's unusual and mildly shocking - it definitely provoked me to read to further in order to discover what exactly has caused this reaction in the speaker.
However, I do feel that some parts ("sea of loneliness", "shore of solitude") are cliche. They were something of a let down after the intiguing beginning.
The crying rain and the bleeding gasoline are interesting - they seem to indicate some form of tragedy. I think the poem could be improved if you focused somewhat on what brought about the situation and tried to avoid cliches.
Good job though!
However, I do feel that some parts ("sea of loneliness", "shore of solitude") are cliche. They were something of a let down after the intiguing beginning.
The crying rain and the bleeding gasoline are interesting - they seem to indicate some form of tragedy. I think the poem could be improved if you focused somewhat on what brought about the situation and tried to avoid cliches.
Good job though!