Westminster argues over figures

[tectak]

As the soldier's wife cries
and the homeless man dies,
Westminster argues over figures.

The Man who writes the papers
says the streets are getting safer,
but the abandoned boy still pulls the trigger.


So the tired bell rings
and the choir boy sings,
while blind moths get sucked to the Light.

"Take this bread and this wine
and you'll all be just fine!"
(So long as you're rich and you're white.)


But, without ever slowing,
the deep river keeps flowing:
its course unaltered by choices.

This determined force carries
all the Toms, Dicks and Harries,
while oblivious to each of their voices.

Hi amI,
Lack of precision is the problem here. You try to cover too many bases like the fluttering dance of an indeterminate bumble bee. You begin with fleeting series of opening lines which ever so briefly dip into war protest (which is over exposed and has always been), then without pause we are asked to confront a homelessness singularity...so what have we and what will it become? Well, poetically it is all over the place...rhythm is inconsistent as is rhyme as is content. Does it matter? For me, it does. The subject is an all encompassing cliche which COULD be dealt with by fresh thinking but it is subjected to wide ranging allusions and unspecific metaphors..so weakening the intent, which I can only describe as the eternal protest song...it could be called "I object to everything since 1962".
OK. What to do?
Take one stanza at a time. Try to avoid ranting whilst still writing "passion". Take a stanza per point and make it perfect. A refrain often helps to keep this list-like commentary on track, though to be honest it can be difficult to avoid the sing-song trap.
Look at what you have written thus far and read it out loud to somebody who doesn't think you're wonderful...I use my wife...and watch the reaction.
How would you react to this:
"But, without ever slowing,
the deep river keeps flowing:
its course unaltered by choices."
What DO you mean? This is a non-stanza. Dump it.
Blind moths? Getting sucked by/to light?. Dump it.
Over to you.
This is a rich seam for prospecting poets but the gold rush was over years ago...change your technique; you may find a diamond.
Do not abandon the mine...it's yours. Work it out.
Best,
tectak