Sleep

[tomoffing]

Hey tony,

Welcome,
Your title immediately suggests to me that this is a dream sequence, which I generally enjoy, although it could be a more subtle introduction.

Through a diaphanous gorge cannot extract any meaning from this
I slip upward into the fuzzy air, I'm grasping this, but slipping upward and fuzzy are strange choices. I like the idea of the lightening of the mind I think your conveying.
floating in the direction of enticing whispers, too wordy here
past a slipping silhouette of the lose the and drop of to your next line. The alliteration is lovely and would close the line nicely
darkest persimmon red.
I graze the stubbled cheek of a young man whom I secretly adored
thus plunging ecstasy by the smell of him
and I am slipping in this state of utter rest and tension too many slippings throughout
dreaming the harp,
I am the fifth string I'd love more from this harp/string image. You haven't incorporated any sonic description so this image is quite sudden.

Nice work.