Westminster argues over figures

[kindofahippy]

Hi, Am I a Poet? Sometimes I think so, but other times I'm not so sure. I digress.

Here is a tidy and concise war poem, and my view is that the content is splendid, but the rhymes are forced:

As the soldier's wife cries
And the homeless man dies, Not every line needs to be capitalized, and it makes longer poems wearying to read. This line continues a sentence, so "And" can be lowercase.
Westminster argues over figures.

The Man who writes the papers
Says the streets are getting safer, These first two lines alternate in stress from iambic to trochaic, and that takes away from the rhythm when read aloud.
But the abandoned boy still pulls the trigger. The repetition of the homeless theme is strange here, considering that the primary subjects associated with war are death, widows, and fear.


So the tired bell rings
And the choir boy sings,
While blind moths get sucked to the Light. Why is light capitialized here? Is it intentional, or for appearance? The capital makes it sound symbolic. Also, the logical flow is broken by the thought of singing. If this stanza represents the constant stream of funerals, then an organ or a somber chorus is more logical.

"Drink this bread and this wine Bread usually isn't drunk
And you'll all be just fine!" this contraction sounds too close to "y'all", "you all", to make sense
(So long as you're rich and you're white.)


But, without ever slowing,
The deep river keeps flowing:
Its course unaltered by choices. The easy to rhyme words here make for a vague cliche. Does the river represent life, fate, war?

This determined force carries
All the Toms, Dicks and Harries,
While oblivious to each of their voices. This stanza flops in its attempt to convey a deep meaning. It might be better not to have it rhyme.