Departures

[RSaba]

Opinions on the colloquialisms in particular would be appreciated. This was written with a very specific audience in mind but I'm hoping it has some wider resonance.

The bus lolls and rolls
through the bypass roundabout.
The flat glare of a fine new year day
tints the cabin with monochromatic tones
of by gone times, acutely framing time gone by, "bygone" is one word
highlighting broad bay windows
of vacant retail units drifting past.
Shells, fossils from a more prosperous era maybe "shells and fossils" ?
when worries were few.
It was for different reasons then that people flew. That's a great line and a fabulously casual rhyme. Nice one.

Lough Ramor flows from my west to my north I like how you said "my west" and "my north". Completely changes it.
and the sight of the southernmost drumlin near Carnaross
raises a lump in my throat.
"They have them in the States" I'm told, comma after "States" but before quotation marks
but I'm certain they're not the same.
Fields awash with melted snow
and remnants of recent hail
blur beside me,
a scene bluer than green today. You're really great at writing last lines for each stanza that just tie the whole thing together and make the reader pause to think about it before moving onto the next one. This is a long piece, but that makes the read easier and more enjoyable, and the length becomes irrelevant to the experience.

Sweeping onto the N3 upgrade,
the "new road" as it's known,
a previously arduous trip
will disappear in a clip.
As homesteads turn to homes,
to semi-detacheds, to apartment complexes,
we arc across an overpass
onto the M50 Dublin City ring road,
now a pain free traffic management node. "pain-free"
Perhaps we have made progrss after all. "progress"

Terminal 1 soon looms on our left
and a strange melancholic echo
resounds in the glum cabin air
when the driver needlessly advises comma
"We've arrived at Dublin airport".
Luggage doors operate
and slumped shoulders struggle with bags
heavier now, despite the absence of duty free.

Passengers lug and plod,
wheeling past the odd solitary explorer
sucking a last cigarette,
surrounded by lover's kisses comma
young sibling's carefree shrugs comma
vicelike motherly hugs [
and firm, lingering handshakes.
Restrained tender respect. maybe a comma here, make the next line part of the sentence, as well as the line after it? You've been writing in complete sentences so far so the sudden break from that is a bit strange.
Typically Hibernian.
All unwatched by a laddered man
slowly unhooking the last of the season's twinkle.
No one here is away for a break.

The departing have it easier. Maybe attach this to the next line, once again, not a full sentence. Don't listen to me on the whole proper sentence thing though if you don't want to, it's your call.
Afforded the sterile anaesthesia
of bag drops and security checks
(always unsure of your legality) comma
boarding calls, safety demonstrations,
baggage carousels and a destination,
transported from nostalgia's source.

Unlike the fur lined wax coated loved ones "fur-lined, wax-coated"
trudging back to grim stacked shelves of cars,
still to retrace a familiar route. Not a proper sentence, but a long one. Any way you could change that?
This time in darkness.
Hands fiercely clasp upon a gear stick.
The anchor of grounded emotion now airborne I'm thinking either a semi-colon or a dash here
soft sobs reverberate amidst the white noise
slow motion strobe of the motorway.
An emptier car streaming
towards an emptier house.

But later, once expensive phone calls
have confirmed safe arrivals comma
orthodromic distances
evaporate at the click of two kettles.
Freshly smuggled batches of Lyons,
or Barry's, brew in scalded pots
and two cups of sweet tea
soothe the last of the day's dejection.
A warm reminder, redolent of home,
that place is no measure
of whether we're alone.Fabulous last three lines! Once again, you're great at bringing all these mixed feelings together.

Great writing! You're definitely a storyteller. You tell this in complete sentences, which is why a lot of my comments are grammatical, and there are a few places where you didn't use complete sentences, which didn't fit in with the rest of your writing. Short, choppy phrases definitely work in this style of writing, but they should match the rest of the piece.

Once again, great story-telling. There are some haunting feelings here and some fabulous imagery. Good write!