HMS Metaphor (Apologies to G and S, and from S Fry)

[ellajam]

Hi, I enjoy this with each read, but that sand always sticks for me. It's a wet, windy voyage and I never know where all that blowing sand comes from. "we near die" and "enough to through" are a bit twisted. Still, a fun read.

Hi ella,
Yep...it's in fun but in serious!
Yes, I know, that's why it took me so long to comment and why I nitpicked you.

We near die...hmmm....a near death experience...he was near dead when we found him...scrapes through? Or not?
Those are not "near die". I understood, but the sound was off to me.

Sand...yes...to keen on linking Sandman to shifting sand-bars, though dunes DO appear in the sea and move with the wind. Check out Dune de Pyla, west coast France
I checked it out, and I know about sandbars, I'll read with that in mind and see if it sits better.

"Enough to through the..." is poor. I will work on that. Did you get the third line/first line next stanza rhyme scheme....I know you like these twisters.

I followed the rhymes down but didn't pinpoint that it was third/first. Thanks for pointing it out, I'll remember it now.
ella

Best,
tectak