04-17-2014, 05:17 PM
Go ON sad ONE,
Go ON and PLAY,
Go ON sad ONE,
Turn NIGHT to DAY.
Seek JOY and FUN,
Please DO not STRAY
Show EVeryONE,
Your MERry WAY.
Go ON sad ONE,
Go ON! Now PLAY!
It’s NOT for YOU,
THOUGH come WHAT may. (this line doesn’t sound iambic to me – i read it as two trochees)
For DONT you KNOW
WHAT is your PLACE? (trochee iamb? Might be just me)
If PAINED inSIDE,
Still SMILE on FACE.
Go ON sad ONE,
While YET still DAY,
‘fore DARKness FALLS,
uPON your GRAVE.
You’ve done a good job with the meter, - it could be just my aussie accent but i’ve noted two deviations from the iambic meter you seem to be aiming for. Liked it – it’s like a chant with the even meter and short lines – good job.
Marianne
Go ON and PLAY,
Go ON sad ONE,
Turn NIGHT to DAY.
Seek JOY and FUN,
Please DO not STRAY
Show EVeryONE,
Your MERry WAY.
Go ON sad ONE,
Go ON! Now PLAY!
It’s NOT for YOU,
THOUGH come WHAT may. (this line doesn’t sound iambic to me – i read it as two trochees)
For DONT you KNOW
WHAT is your PLACE? (trochee iamb? Might be just me)
If PAINED inSIDE,
Still SMILE on FACE.
Go ON sad ONE,
While YET still DAY,
‘fore DARKness FALLS,
uPON your GRAVE.
You’ve done a good job with the meter, - it could be just my aussie accent but i’ve noted two deviations from the iambic meter you seem to be aiming for. Liked it – it’s like a chant with the even meter and short lines – good job.
Marianne