04-16-2014, 02:47 PM
I will admit to being a bit lost as to what your poem was about. I will write my reaction in a bit more detail below.
The wolverine slept as the moon curdled, - this set a woodland/fairytale sort of scene for me
and the pineapple closed its eyes and dreamt a - the jump to the pineapple surprised me, my brain was then looking for a connection but I couldn't see it.
Minotaur, in sorrow and joy, sending - back to myth type stuff with Minotaur, I am now trying to find a connection between the three things.
a marble down a flat plane. The world - I do not know what the marble represents.
simmers with a haunted feeling that whorled - The World/whorled rhyme I wasn't sure about
around some painted antler is an end
with our beginning pinned within it,
panting helplessly, matched, and on Forty-Forth
and Main, I feel a light, banana-yellow,
warm, oily, and sweet. At six, the bell goes
rich, deep, patient. It can wait,
whatever's next again, and straightness,
I'll pretend, has no curl. Let's watch the day - this made me think of regulation size banana's bit I wasn't clear if this was what you were going for.
end and think, say, the sun will never come up again.
I read it through a few times but I couldn't make sense of it. That might be me of course and I also have a tendency to write stuff that is as clear as mud so this is pot kettle black!!
The wolverine slept as the moon curdled, - this set a woodland/fairytale sort of scene for me
and the pineapple closed its eyes and dreamt a - the jump to the pineapple surprised me, my brain was then looking for a connection but I couldn't see it.
Minotaur, in sorrow and joy, sending - back to myth type stuff with Minotaur, I am now trying to find a connection between the three things.
a marble down a flat plane. The world - I do not know what the marble represents.
simmers with a haunted feeling that whorled - The World/whorled rhyme I wasn't sure about
around some painted antler is an end
with our beginning pinned within it,
panting helplessly, matched, and on Forty-Forth
and Main, I feel a light, banana-yellow,
warm, oily, and sweet. At six, the bell goes
rich, deep, patient. It can wait,
whatever's next again, and straightness,
I'll pretend, has no curl. Let's watch the day - this made me think of regulation size banana's bit I wasn't clear if this was what you were going for.
end and think, say, the sun will never come up again.
I read it through a few times but I couldn't make sense of it. That might be me of course and I also have a tendency to write stuff that is as clear as mud so this is pot kettle black!!