bill bared his ass and said fuck it...we did :J:
the poem at hand...
the idea of the poem works, i like poetry about real people. they're a good exercise for writing better poetry. what usually happens is what happened here, the horses of the poem's carriage are allowed to run without any reigns. lots of ing words, lots of repetition regarding intent.
there's a decent root for a decent poem but needs a lot of work edit-wise
the poem at hand...
Quote:Coach Milo
fim 9/6/13
In football (American style)
coaches are quite rough.
They often intimidate initiates
with all sorts of reprehensible stuff. a suggest would be lots instead of all sorts.
Never acknowledging the pain of injury
or the existence of fear or doubt, 1 or too many a comma on the previous line would work better.
unless while ridiculing a player the use of unless seems pointless.
always in a high-decibel shout.
It is a well-established culture
that utilizes the fear they don’t acknowledge these words have already been utilized.
to mold a player into a ferocious entity
designed to cause opponents to shudder.
Pregame directives often included
“Unleash the animal from its cage!”
Hit the opponents so viciously is so needed?
“you change their mind about the game.”
As I grew older I learned to embrace,
activities that make more sense.
I enjoy reading and writing poetry,
to sit back, breathe and reflect.
But I have a new appreciation
for my football experience and its adversity.
The conditioning permits me to realize benefit
when Coach Milo critiques my poetry.
the idea of the poem works, i like poetry about real people. they're a good exercise for writing better poetry. what usually happens is what happened here, the horses of the poem's carriage are allowed to run without any reigns. lots of ing words, lots of repetition regarding intent.
there's a decent root for a decent poem but needs a lot of work edit-wise