03-26-2010, 03:15 PM
Always nice to see your poems LB 
My only advice is to pick synonyms for some of the longer and more unwieldy words... you'll find shorter words may have more impact and will improve a poem's rhythm (For example, the word "manipulating" could be substituted with just plain "screwing", or maybe something else if that sounds too grating for you. It's okay to use common expressions and slang if you want!). Just make more use of your vocabulary, nothing a thesaurus wouldn't take care of (Yes, every writer uses one
).
Thanks for the read!
My only advice is to pick synonyms for some of the longer and more unwieldy words... you'll find shorter words may have more impact and will improve a poem's rhythm (For example, the word "manipulating" could be substituted with just plain "screwing", or maybe something else if that sounds too grating for you. It's okay to use common expressions and slang if you want!). Just make more use of your vocabulary, nothing a thesaurus wouldn't take care of (Yes, every writer uses one
).Thanks for the read!
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?