04-11-2014, 10:53 PM
Are DAN/gers EV/er REAL?/ 3 feet
Evil/ WHISpers/ PASSED a/LONG; 4 feet
the DOUBT/ of NON/beLIEVE/rs,4 FEET
now EV/eryONE/ is WRONG3 FEET
and EV/il BE/comes a/ MYTH.4 FEET
a LIE,/ the de/CEIVer./ 3 feet
where DOES/ this BEAST/ reSIDE?/3 FEET
WORDS of/ DEni/al PASSED/ aLONG;4 FEET
the THIRD/ row, SOME/one SAID,/3 FEET
WHERE the/ CHOIR SINGS/ their SONG,/3 FEET
"deLIV/Er US/ FROM this/ EVil"/.4 FEET
no SAINT/in METH’s/ BED. 3 FEET
WHY was/ THERE no /WARNing?/ 3 FEET
WORDS of/ TRUTH PASSED/ aLONG;/ 3 FEET
THAT re/FLECTion / IN the/ MIRror,4 FEET
THE RAV/aged FACE/ did NOT/ beLONG.4FEET
a HOPE/less SIT/Ua/tion, 4feet
GRIM REAP/er DRAW/ing NEAR./ 3 FEET
WHERE was/ THIS BEAST/ last SEEN?/ 3 FEET
WORDS of/ aLARM /PASSED a/LONG; 4 FEET
NORTH, WEST/, SOUTH and/ EAST/ 3FEET
TAKing/ DOWN WEAK/ and STRONG/ 3 FEET
with the/ CLAWS of/ adDICT/ion. 4 FEET
MUTi/LATed/ BODies,/ FOR his/ FEAST. 5 FEET!
You have a mixture of iambs and trochees here – it makes it hard to read aloud in any kind of rhythm, which is what you want in a rhyming poem. I’m not sure if I’ve done the above correctly, I’m still a learner too, but it’s clear you’ve messed up your meter. Your lines are different lengths and that doesn’t help either. You start out rhyming the first verse abcbdc but fail to follow the pattern, which is distracting to a reader .
One thing that helps me is to first make sure all my lines are the same length by counting the syllables in each and trying to stick to a pattern. Once you have a syllable count in mind, it’s easier to write metrically. Hope that helps.
Evil/ WHISpers/ PASSED a/LONG; 4 feet
the DOUBT/ of NON/beLIEVE/rs,4 FEET
now EV/eryONE/ is WRONG3 FEET
and EV/il BE/comes a/ MYTH.4 FEET
a LIE,/ the de/CEIVer./ 3 feet
where DOES/ this BEAST/ reSIDE?/3 FEET
WORDS of/ DEni/al PASSED/ aLONG;4 FEET
the THIRD/ row, SOME/one SAID,/3 FEET
WHERE the/ CHOIR SINGS/ their SONG,/3 FEET
"deLIV/Er US/ FROM this/ EVil"/.4 FEET
no SAINT/in METH’s/ BED. 3 FEET
WHY was/ THERE no /WARNing?/ 3 FEET
WORDS of/ TRUTH PASSED/ aLONG;/ 3 FEET
THAT re/FLECTion / IN the/ MIRror,4 FEET
THE RAV/aged FACE/ did NOT/ beLONG.4FEET
a HOPE/less SIT/Ua/tion, 4feet
GRIM REAP/er DRAW/ing NEAR./ 3 FEET
WHERE was/ THIS BEAST/ last SEEN?/ 3 FEET
WORDS of/ aLARM /PASSED a/LONG; 4 FEET
NORTH, WEST/, SOUTH and/ EAST/ 3FEET
TAKing/ DOWN WEAK/ and STRONG/ 3 FEET
with the/ CLAWS of/ adDICT/ion. 4 FEET
MUTi/LATed/ BODies,/ FOR his/ FEAST. 5 FEET!
You have a mixture of iambs and trochees here – it makes it hard to read aloud in any kind of rhythm, which is what you want in a rhyming poem. I’m not sure if I’ve done the above correctly, I’m still a learner too, but it’s clear you’ve messed up your meter. Your lines are different lengths and that doesn’t help either. You start out rhyming the first verse abcbdc but fail to follow the pattern, which is distracting to a reader .
One thing that helps me is to first make sure all my lines are the same length by counting the syllables in each and trying to stick to a pattern. Once you have a syllable count in mind, it’s easier to write metrically. Hope that helps.