Hippy's Sonnet 1

[ellajam]

Hi, hippy, I don't think you did yourself any favors by trying to alternate meters. It's hard enough to pick one and get it right.

Stomach and belly both accent the first syllable, I don't get why you had to switch.

Try reading a poem that you know is IP over and over before starting yours, it will get the rhythm into your head. Try again.

BEANS

1. Of all the fruits, beans by far the most magic:
2. Worshiped plant of vegetarian lore.
3. Though an overdose can be most tragic.
4. Rendering the best of pants the most poor.
5. Indeed the mighty bean's a magic fruit:
6. Nature's panacea, helping with your poop.
7. Mother Invention! How beans create scoots!
8. Furthermore, what is better for one's soup
9. Then a massive bowl moist with beans and rice
10. To provide filling with feeling all night.
11. Saintly legume, such poise and balance nice,
12. Healthy and satisfying all the night.
13. I understand beans make one's belly quake:
14. Find temporal happiness in a milkshake.


Two iambic lines followed by two trochaic lines throughout, in pentameter.

I hate this! Dammit! I wrote a poem I loved, then I had to change every single f-ing line to meet the rules and regulations of formal poetry. L13, I wanted to write stomach, not belly. L5, I wanted to use “Truly” but I can't do that and have a formal, academic, structured, “good” poem. L6, the word “panacea” makes no sense, but I can't use “laxative” like I did at first. It sounds right when I read it out loud, but no, the syllable stress is off. Now I'm ready to go all Dead Poet's Society on you guys. OK, please let me know where this bastard poem misses the mark.