04-11-2014, 03:11 PM
I'm from Moscow, Russia=) Can you please help me to reconstruct those phrases?
Well as they have to fit the song...
Rejuvenated man fronts Lord - the character feels a surge of energy, he almost feels himself God and decides to oppose "Lord" (God he used to believe in when he was religious)
A re-energized man confronts God.
alloyed their rage with hoodoo monster was born - the character and his wife felt rage (synonyms - fury, frenzy, raving) (in fact his wife was mad) and they considered their life as failure, misfortune (in my text -hoodoo). In combination of those they had a baby who in fact was the Monster
quieted their rage when... I would probably use the more common "voodoo" instead of "hoodoo". I think the problem here is that the idea is not expressed clearly. Do you mean that the baby brought them bad luck? Why is the baby a monster. Is the baby a bad luck monster? Are you sure "monster" is the correct word. I can maybe see "bad luck baby" although the explanation why never arises, or even voodoo baby, but "Voodoo Monster baby"? Currently it ends up being either silly or senseless, if not both.
But peace has faded away as far as only child had drown in a lake - I reviewed this line and came up with "But peace has faded away just as his only child had drown in a lake"
[/quote] That's probably OK as is.
Best of luck,
Dale
Well as they have to fit the song...
Rejuvenated man fronts Lord - the character feels a surge of energy, he almost feels himself God and decides to oppose "Lord" (God he used to believe in when he was religious)
A re-energized man confronts God.
alloyed their rage with hoodoo monster was born - the character and his wife felt rage (synonyms - fury, frenzy, raving) (in fact his wife was mad) and they considered their life as failure, misfortune (in my text -hoodoo). In combination of those they had a baby who in fact was the Monster
quieted their rage when... I would probably use the more common "voodoo" instead of "hoodoo". I think the problem here is that the idea is not expressed clearly. Do you mean that the baby brought them bad luck? Why is the baby a monster. Is the baby a bad luck monster? Are you sure "monster" is the correct word. I can maybe see "bad luck baby" although the explanation why never arises, or even voodoo baby, but "Voodoo Monster baby"? Currently it ends up being either silly or senseless, if not both.
But peace has faded away as far as only child had drown in a lake - I reviewed this line and came up with "But peace has faded away just as his only child had drown in a lake"
[/quote] That's probably OK as is.
Best of luck,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.