04-11-2014, 05:15 AM
This appears to be written in accentual verse as there appears to be no consistent meter. It bounces between 6 and 7 foot lines.
L9,10,12 are 7 foot lines, the rest are 6 foot lines. It is generally advisable to stay with the same line length, as it causes a distraction to the reading to do otherwise.
He had heard about the danger, had to see it for himself. six feet
Not long ago they had their health, irrational but strong. seven feet
I won't point them out, but a number of your lines end with a stressed syllable, with the following line starting with a stressed syllable. This makes it difficult for the reader, and cause a distraction.
Yes, it's called speed cause it gets you there quicker...if you are speaking of death. although that only comes through with the last line. So...if you have to tell me what the poem is about in the last line in order for me to know, why did I read the poem. Either your poem needs to be clearer, or you need to drop the last two lines.
Dale
L9,10,12 are 7 foot lines, the rest are 6 foot lines. It is generally advisable to stay with the same line length, as it causes a distraction to the reading to do otherwise.
He had heard about the danger, had to see it for himself. six feet
Not long ago they had their health, irrational but strong. seven feet
I won't point them out, but a number of your lines end with a stressed syllable, with the following line starting with a stressed syllable. This makes it difficult for the reader, and cause a distraction.
Yes, it's called speed cause it gets you there quicker...if you are speaking of death. although that only comes through with the last line. So...if you have to tell me what the poem is about in the last line in order for me to know, why did I read the poem. Either your poem needs to be clearer, or you need to drop the last two lines.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.