04-08-2014, 01:23 AM
Thank you for the comments I've made a slight edit. I'm quite new to poetry so I appreciate all the comments... good or bad.
I thought I'd brake down the new version (Edit 1) to explain the story i'm putting across, although I like storys to be left to the readers own interpretation
Her eyes, which were once so blue, are now a darker grey.
( her eyes were blue when she was alive, but in death your eyes are supposed to cloud over, so this is hinting that she is dead.)
Her soul, which shined so bright, had now gone away.
(again hinting she is dead and now in death her souls has gone)
Does heaven await or maybe a different fate?
(her soul has gone but she isn't sure where, she is waiting to find her fate )
She sat and she waited until the sun could be seen.
( she's waiting to find out the future of her afterlife)
She said "if an angel appears I shall kiss it and beg to tell what has been"
( She's hoping for an angel to take her to heaven, she will confess all her sins if she sees one)
The wind whistled and the door creaked, yet still no angel.
(No angel has come)
A memory past and an image awaken,
( she starts to remember why no angel will come)
The day that had seen her soul taken.
( she remembers the day that she sold her soul (perhaps not in money terms) to the devil)
When she had dared to ask she did receive,
(she asked the devil)
A lifetime of hate for a moment of greed.
(she received whatever she asked for from the devil, 'the moment of greed' but now she realises that a lifetime of hate is ahead)
I thought I'd brake down the new version (Edit 1) to explain the story i'm putting across, although I like storys to be left to the readers own interpretation
Her eyes, which were once so blue, are now a darker grey.
( her eyes were blue when she was alive, but in death your eyes are supposed to cloud over, so this is hinting that she is dead.)
Her soul, which shined so bright, had now gone away.
(again hinting she is dead and now in death her souls has gone)
Does heaven await or maybe a different fate?
(her soul has gone but she isn't sure where, she is waiting to find her fate )
She sat and she waited until the sun could be seen.
( she's waiting to find out the future of her afterlife)
She said "if an angel appears I shall kiss it and beg to tell what has been"
( She's hoping for an angel to take her to heaven, she will confess all her sins if she sees one)
The wind whistled and the door creaked, yet still no angel.
(No angel has come)
A memory past and an image awaken,
( she starts to remember why no angel will come)
The day that had seen her soul taken.
( she remembers the day that she sold her soul (perhaps not in money terms) to the devil)
When she had dared to ask she did receive,
(she asked the devil)
A lifetime of hate for a moment of greed.
(she received whatever she asked for from the devil, 'the moment of greed' but now she realises that a lifetime of hate is ahead)