04-04-2014, 09:04 AM
Hi,
It's like you are saying this is supposed to be dark. If I read your comment correctly, you picked a random topic just to practice rhythm.
As a result it doesn't seem like you are truly involved, and the verses don't flow because they all seem to be from different places.
Rhythm cannot stand alone, it is connected to the meaning, to the feel, the color of your poem and to many other things that are way beyond our comprehension.
Try to free yourself from the idea that once you've practiced rhythm enough then you can go on to practice vocabulary then rhyming etc... I don't think it works quite like that, there is no recipe to good poetry.
Maybe try not to watch yourself write, just write!
Alex
It's like you are saying this is supposed to be dark. If I read your comment correctly, you picked a random topic just to practice rhythm.
As a result it doesn't seem like you are truly involved, and the verses don't flow because they all seem to be from different places.
Rhythm cannot stand alone, it is connected to the meaning, to the feel, the color of your poem and to many other things that are way beyond our comprehension.
Try to free yourself from the idea that once you've practiced rhythm enough then you can go on to practice vocabulary then rhyming etc... I don't think it works quite like that, there is no recipe to good poetry.
Maybe try not to watch yourself write, just write!
Alex