03-21-2014, 12:58 PM
Austin, thank you for your comments.
What the poem was about? The passing of a very old (matriarch) woman born in hard times. I tried to use the cliff as a metaphor to her physical body!
I will look at the wording. "To rock, to the pebble and to dust under plough", read "the physical body breaks down to dust".
I can never understand she to use "oo" in 'too" I.e. is the above line "To the rock, to the pebble and to dust under plough" grammatically correct with "To" or should there be some "Too's" in there?
"Hermit" did not understand what the theme of poem was "did you?" or was it just that bad!
I have not read poetry to any degree, so I guess I should start.
The subject matter was personal and so clichés abound. I left the other half of the poem out "to spare a multitude of fingers being rammed down so many throats".
What the poem was about? The passing of a very old (matriarch) woman born in hard times. I tried to use the cliff as a metaphor to her physical body!
I will look at the wording. "To rock, to the pebble and to dust under plough", read "the physical body breaks down to dust".
I can never understand she to use "oo" in 'too" I.e. is the above line "To the rock, to the pebble and to dust under plough" grammatically correct with "To" or should there be some "Too's" in there?
(03-21-2014, 07:34 AM)Carousal Wrote: I‘m afraid there is no easy way to say this but this is not very good. I can't recalll finding so many cliché’s in such a few lines. I could go on and others probably will, but there isn’t much point because the only advice I could offer you is read poetry, a lot of poetry.Carousel thank you for your comments.
"Hermit" did not understand what the theme of poem was "did you?" or was it just that bad!
I have not read poetry to any degree, so I guess I should start.
The subject matter was personal and so clichés abound. I left the other half of the poem out "to spare a multitude of fingers being rammed down so many throats".