Damaged.

[Hermit]

I really liked the emotion you displayed here. I think you were very descriptive and you obviously this was well written and thought out. A thing to change though, as others said, would surely be to translate the work into stanzas and lines. In this way, people will feel more emotion in the work. What I mean by that is if you have it in lines and stanzas, the reader will read the way you thought it in your mind. In this way the reader gains a connection to you, the author and is able to be more affected by a beautiful poem such as this.