Damaged.

[MadisonDiem]

I sit and sit and sit. I wait and wait and wait… The hours go by, each one slowly killing me more and more and more… My mind works against me, my friends long gone, and my bad habits were dumped down the drain too late, I sit here coping with myself, I sit here wondering what could have been, I sit here empty and alone. For all the material things I own in this world, I would trade it all just for one last night to make things right with her… but she doesn’t care, she never did. When I wake, I feel nothing but remorse, by lunch, I’m too sick to eat, and by dinner I’ve broken down in tears just wanting everything to be different. But she never cared, did she? I sit here and wait for her reply, I sit here and tell myself not to **** things up, I sit there and promise myself not to cry, but I’m not good at keeping promises. I remain solitary, but all I want to do is open up. I tell them I’m happy and not to worry about me, but it hurts so bad to tell the ones you love lies, I’m not happy… When was the last time? She’s ruined me and it’s because I’ve got nothing to move on to, I had nothing before her, and I have nothing now… They say money can’t buy happiness, it provides short intervals of joy, but paper isn’t a companion, paper won’t let you know how much you mean to it… she is hell, she tells me what I want to hear, she tells me everything is ok just to shut me up. But she never meant any of it did she? She walked on me, used me, turned me into this, she gave me joy, but now she doesn’t care.


I'm no poet by any means, honestly I'm not even sure if this counts as a poem. I just needed to get some thoughts out into the world. Thanks guys/girls any feedback is welcome, positive or negative.

Everyone has pretty much already given comment on the need to add some structure to this.. for me, this reads as a thought-stream brainstorming session. From here, you need to edit it down, focus on the strong feelings and images, and expand on them. In this, I'm not really seeing many images besides the sitting and the aloneness; the rest of it is mostly abstractions which don't evoke any true emotion or meaning for me. Also try to use more vivid words, choices like 'joy', 'promises', and 'happiness' are all a bit boring and overused.