A House in Autumn

[ChristopherSea]

The scenario of these impassioned youths risking a rendezvous in this 'haunted house' is amusing. Nice job bringing it to fruition in the form of a sonnet. That closing couplet is well wrought and lingering. Another favorite line was the one with the internal lace/embrace rhyme. Shouldn't that be, 'disturbs the necking kids' (plural)? I am still curious as to what piece of anatomy that naked sinew represents. 'A naked sinew is draped' does have a nice sound to it, but 'girlish lover's, maybe not so much. Perhaps 'nubile lover's' or something in the same vein could work better. Some word substitutions like, they 'act' like nervous doe and 'frozen' face may fare better, although you have to watch your meter. Do you need 'sinew' again? The second one stands out alone. Hey Jack, it just occurred to me that you may be using 'sinew' to mean 'power' here: 'The magic is gone!' You may want to ask yourself if you want to use it twice. See what you think. Hopefully something here helps with your next edit. Thanks for posting your work!/Chris