03-05-2014, 05:53 AM
Geoff
The zodiac reference made me laugh - 'oh don't mind grandma, she's a Capellini'
The use of the word 'as' is a little distancing - removed from the first line, it plunges us straight into the yolk.
It is perhaps more justifiable at the start of the 3rd stanza, though the enjambment and the verse break gives enough punctuation to separate the rolling pin from the pan - and allows the reader to connect the two, offering movement around the kitchen.
Really like 'knife's gentle kiss,' not so keen on 'angel's hair' - too Joni Mitchell.
I like the word stomach at the end, but I wonder if somehow that stomach could be the person eating - so that the poem takes us on a journey from ingredient to ingestion.
The zodiac reference made me laugh - 'oh don't mind grandma, she's a Capellini'
The use of the word 'as' is a little distancing - removed from the first line, it plunges us straight into the yolk.
It is perhaps more justifiable at the start of the 3rd stanza, though the enjambment and the verse break gives enough punctuation to separate the rolling pin from the pan - and allows the reader to connect the two, offering movement around the kitchen.
Really like 'knife's gentle kiss,' not so keen on 'angel's hair' - too Joni Mitchell.
I like the word stomach at the end, but I wonder if somehow that stomach could be the person eating - so that the poem takes us on a journey from ingredient to ingestion.