03-03-2014, 01:50 PM
geoff, Playing the chef and cooking something up I see!
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Why is the pasta born under a bad sign?
The first two line of that stanza are really good,
"as (the) fire hums blues to stainless steel;
a guttural, throaty vibrato whispered into steam."
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I'm also not a fan of breaking the sentence across the stanza, it make the sentence unduly difficult to read, but does nothing positive.
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"a knife’s gentle kiss
separates each thin strand
of angel’s hair from the mass" (I think if you are going to use a possessive "angel’s" you need an article before it, e.g., "an angel's hair". Or just drop the apostrophe.
"a knife’s gentle kiss
separates each thin strand
of angel hair from the mass"
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I think using bones and skeleton as a metaphor is counterproductive as the end result of pasta looks like bones.
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I think this is a good idea and it has some decent metaphors, but it needs some cleaning up.
Dale
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Why is the pasta born under a bad sign?
The first two line of that stanza are really good,
"as (the) fire hums blues to stainless steel;
a guttural, throaty vibrato whispered into steam."
------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm also not a fan of breaking the sentence across the stanza, it make the sentence unduly difficult to read, but does nothing positive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"a knife’s gentle kiss
separates each thin strand
of angel’s hair from the mass" (I think if you are going to use a possessive "angel’s" you need an article before it, e.g., "an angel's hair". Or just drop the apostrophe.
"a knife’s gentle kiss
separates each thin strand
of angel hair from the mass"
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I think using bones and skeleton as a metaphor is counterproductive as the end result of pasta looks like bones.
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I think this is a good idea and it has some decent metaphors, but it needs some cleaning up.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.