nursery rhyme

[Erthona]

poetry in motion,

Thanks for your comments. I'll try and respond to your questions, and give my rationale for why I did what I did (I'm not saying it worked, just giving you my rational).

" but I just didnt get it your rhyming just missed the mark it seemed very forced"

As I was trying somewhat to mimic a "nursery rhyme" I used rhyming couplets, and simplistic rhymes, as one might find in a "nursery rhyme". Example:

"The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note."

As you can see honey and money are fairly nonsensical, as neither owl or cats eat honey, and "Wrapped up in a five pound note." is purely there to rhyme with boat, not because it makes any sense. So that was what I was trying to mimic.

"if your refering to a young person.growing up in an urban city
they see death almost on a daily basis"

I am referring to someone who is going to "junior college", as it states,

"So self assured, with so little knowledge,
learned at the best local junior college.
Tested in the crucible of lunch and free rides,
all one needed was to show up and bide."

As far as seeing death on a daily basis, I don't know where you come from but that is not the case where I live, maybe if you are talking about some of the worse ghettos in the larger towns in the world, that are overrun by gangs, violence, and drugs, but most of these people would fit the image I paint of the kids going to junior college, children of upper lower or middle class homes. The have a sense of entitlement that is not justified, and are not self motivated. basically they are spoiled.

"the catholic reference at the end the whole piece just felt confused and desparate "

I made no catholic reference. If you are referring to my use of the word platitudes, it has no connection at all to Catholicism.

"platitudes:a flat, dull, or trite remark, especially one uttered as if it were fresh or profound." i.e sophomoric

In terms of the use of the word salvation, its first definition is "the act of saving or protecting from harm, risk, loss, destruction, etc." It is not until the 4th definition that a theological bent is added, and that is hardly catholic specific:

"Theology . deliverance from the power and penalty of sin; redemption."

Regardless, I meant it more as the 1st definition, in that they have lived fairly sheltered lives, this is also supported by the lines

"Tested in the crucible of lunch and free rides, (the word crucible is meant as ironic)
all one needed was to show up and bide."

In other words the Jr. college is paid for by someone else "free rides", and the level of competence is not very high, and basically all they need do is show up and they will pass their class. Having taught at a Jr. College, I feel as though I have some little insight into what is required of the students. It really is just an extension of high school, and the students generally treat it as such. They have the mind set that they are being made to do this, rather than they are being given an opportunity to improve their future fortunes.

Hope that clears up some of your questions. Obviously I need to work on clarity some if it is coming off this confusing.

Thanks again for your comments,

Dale

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Thanks for the additional comments, especially on the word "'fumble". "The poem seems clear enough not to be about that". That was my thinking, but I did not know how strong a connotation "fumble" carries in the UK, so I was will to consider a change.

'the metaphysical cancer...' is actually now one of my favorite phrases" Thanks.

Thanks again Shem,

Dale
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geoff,

Thanks for the comments. And yes, it is only a slight anger, more of an irritation mixed in with kind of a fatalistic humor, if that makes sense.

Thanks again,

Dale