Miasman man

[billy]

i stopped my feedback because it's pretty much saying the same thing.
it's pretty wordy and lots could be removed without affecting the poem. it says a lot but at the end the reader is left wondering what the poem was about except for a few vagaries where the reader can add something from their own experiences. in general it a very generalised poem that needs to be more concrete. it needs something of substance to for the reader to grasp

thanks for the read.

Miasmatic drops of blood fall,for me miasmatic blood would already have clotted enough not to fall, though i suppose it can in a metaphoric sense.
coalesce, and streak away in rivulets.
Painting pictures of my past.
Depicted for blurred eyes to see,
oblivion revealed to me. i'm not sure what the last 3 lines infer, okay, the last 2 lines, if i see the blood as some kind of failure.

Watercolor doorways to the future
never open to the scene you long to see. i like the opening of this stanza. it opens up a scene of something unreachable
At least... Not for me. isn't this line a given? it would be more of a given if you use[I] instead of [you] on the previous line
Perhaps your tableau is encouraging,
full of neon colors and masterful strokes.
Perhaps your life is meaningless; [or] could replace [Perhaps your life is] in order to make it less wordy, or it could just replace [perhaps] and [is]
nothing more than it means to you. i don't get this line
I don't blame you; why would you blame them? have they been naughty? if not, this line isn't really needed.
I've been there too. where?

But light always shines through
cracks in our shells, we
can remember the good times
The bad.
All the things we could have had...
But also everything we've done to date,
how great it feels to begin
to Try
to understand yourself.
and to be okay with beauty in your world.
Perhaps there is beauty to be found
in the slums you envision your life.
There is always the inspiration to change
just beyond the belief you have in yourself.

Face down in a pool of shimmering, mercuric liquid,
opiated daydreams have paralyzed him.
Soon he'll wake up shivering.
oh well.
Just another day.

But the reprieve is short lived,
the feelings of despair, pain...
Too alive. The rules change.
When your lost in this miasmic sea
you wash the blood off of your face
and keep the small rules
so you can break the big ones.