Written On An Indian Train.

[71degrees]

To stop the train pull the chain
To stop all this would be insane
On a train a mile long
Seated with the writhing throng
Buying Teas for six rupees
From elderly wallahs with gammy knees
Filled with workers from Mangalore
Heading home to get married to the girl next door
There is some dirt the fans don’t work
Under the seats mice may lurk
The seats are dirty and some have stains
But at least it's better than Virgin trains
Before my eyes India flies
Every mile a new surprise
Rhythmic rails clitter and clatter
Hiding the noise of Hindi chatter
Through Adavali and Kirimkali
Through dusty plain and fertile valley
An elderly lady nicks my seat
So I pass the journey stood on me feet
Past mountain side and rivers wide
Through India’s beauty we gracefully glide
At jungle junctions we sit and wait
For the on coming train that’s running late
Through fields of maze under golden rays
Where people work and children plays
I hang out the door feeling brave
And return the compliment of a workers wave

The rhythm begins to slow as we as we approach our station
The last one I’ll see in this amazing beguiling nation
Into a cavernous cathedral like cunt we finally enter
In far Bombay’s mysterious throbbing centre
Journey’s end, travel over, I am here
To head on home with, in my eyes, a tear

I love geographic poems. I learn about the atmosphere of a place I've never been so much better in a poem. Really like the nod to the passing cities, even the religious reference.

I'll be upfront when I say I'm not a rhyme guy, especially a scheme better suited for children's lit so I'm out on a limb here when I say this would work better (for me, anyway) as a spoken word poem. It would also clear up any problems with a poem that has zippo punctuation except for a bit of comma usage that mysteriously appears in the the last two lines only. I do like the slowing of the train (indicated by stanza break)….brings the poem nicely to a conclusion.

Not sure why you would throw "cunt" into this poem??? Really don't see a need to turn off 60% of your readers for no reason (maybe it's Sunday morning and just me). Just don't care for certain words that are used totally out of context with the rest of the poem.

Thanks for posting. Interesting poem and interesting presentation. Good luck w/it.