03-02-2014, 04:38 PM
Overall a very good poem. I personally love the peace of driving alone, and you did a very good job of capturing that experience.
This stanza in particular stood out, with great use of imagery and not too many adjectives, which would be my primary critique of the first stanza.
"Driving this stretch every month is a pilgrimage,
pockmarks and indented stitches
a focused quest to connect two dreams.
Jockeying for position we find our slots and fill them
while foggy snug in our glass crucibles
amidst this mercenary’s gang-way
we are pricked by break-lights and signals
we slow, to a stop, in oneness of purpose,
but crawl ahead again, to speed,
repeating this dogmatic liturgy."
This stanza in particular stood out, with great use of imagery and not too many adjectives, which would be my primary critique of the first stanza.
"Driving this stretch every month is a pilgrimage,
pockmarks and indented stitches
a focused quest to connect two dreams.
Jockeying for position we find our slots and fill them
while foggy snug in our glass crucibles
amidst this mercenary’s gang-way
we are pricked by break-lights and signals
we slow, to a stop, in oneness of purpose,
but crawl ahead again, to speed,
repeating this dogmatic liturgy."