McClain Beach

[71degrees]

Evocative and succinct as usual.

Two opinions below.

Thanks for the read

McClain Beach

This woman, my wife;
she is near Superior water

"she" is extraneous given you've already presented your wife. Feels as if its there to justify the semi colon, which doesn't add anything for me either to be honest. given the setting I would prefer this to flow into the rest of the piece.
"This woman, my wife
is near to Superior water"


Shoaling waves slide
up the beach face, stopping
just short of her bare feet

Lovely stanza. Agree with Geoff's suggestion of sliding, adds immediacy. Shoaling, excellent word choice

I fall more in love with
each spilling break

i want to feel like this is cliched, but the overall brevity saves it. Its over so quickly I only have time to enjoy it. Not sure on the enjambment though. I would move "with" to the closing line.

I agree about the semi-colon. It's intrusive. However, your suggestion turns "my wife" into an appositive which would still warrant a following comma. May be the lesser of two evils. Will think about this. Also like "with" to the closing line. Thanks.

---

I think tomoffing pretty much covered what I had in mind. Can't think of anything else to say about it. Interesting image.

Dale

Erthona: Thanks for the read. Appreciate it.