Hands

[billy]

the end rhymes need a fair bit of work specially the 1st verse which is different than the rest of the rhyme scheme. some also feel forced as in the last line; i knew god above was going to be used after i read the beginning of the line.

look out for cliche

thanks for the read.

If only I could show her how
I feel now; years allowed for twists and turns
with innocent mistakes
and lessons learned. [cliche]

She wiped sweet sweat off of my brow,
and caught my falls, with maternal vow. what does maternal vows mean here, i do understand but it doesn't work well enough as is, use an image, how does one catch falls? do you mean she caught you when you fell? make it more original
Her hands once soft with love and care
now crack and split: my heart despairs! my heart despairs feels forced,

The blood that trickles from those hands
should not leave them red, for life demands:
no wrongs committed, only love,
and I hold them now with God above. while the verse it feels poetic, it's too (i'm not sure what word to use) pretentious, why does life demand? why would blood leave the hands red? give the reader some images to see.