Drought of Libidinousness

[geoff]

Hey J. Frost,

Some fine wordplay going on. More specifically,

Drought of Libidinousness

The head, uncovered, hails hello
And slyly wriggles sluice agape.
The mind’s unconscious eye below
Reports up high like ticker tape....I like idea a bit more than the execution, but maybe I'm getting a bit picky. The "reporting up" didn't really thrill me with its wording, but I understand the effect

The moment’s set to flex the abs,
Extend the back, and press the chest
Against the kindred’s core and grab
Around the axillae, then wrest.

Succor the member to and through ..."Succor" threw off the rhythm a bit for me
The channel’s mouth and then beyond
The calm, yet eager sniper’s cue
Where future life will have been spawned....not sure if I agree with the future perfect here, but it gets you your meter req

Press back and forth, as in a trance—
Like a rope swaying in the wind— ...again, I stumbled a bit with the meter on this line, but I do think it's fitting for the image of the unpredictable, swaying rope. That being said, I'm not convinced this is the strongest image to convey the action; this feels very uncontrolled and sporadic...
And go, until it can’t advance,
To pleasure’s arch beneath the skin.

Velvety friction whets the course ...not a fan of "velvety" here, though I guess it needs an appearance somewhere. Doesn't really have a pleasant sound for the piece and again creates some meter issues for me...
Pending salvation’s blissful end.
Seesaw exchanges lead by force
As thirst, from which we can’t ascend. ...why invert the structure here? It wasn't necessary all poem long. I'm not convinced that this line got your full attention. Could we find a stronger ending that doesn't twist arms to make a rhyme?

Thanks for the read

-geoff