Hands

[geoff]

Hello Humbert,

If only I could show her how
I feel now; years allowed for twists and turns
with innocent mistakes
and lessons learned.

She wiped sweet sweat off of my brow,
and caught my falls, with maternal vow.
Her hands once soft with love and care
now crack and split: my heart despairs!

The blood that trickles from those hands
should not leave them red, for life demands:
no wrongs committed, only love,
and I hold them now with God above.

When taking the title into consideration, this really feels like two poems in a way for me: the first six lines and the last six lines. Really, it is the last six lines that make this poem feel a bit more unique to me; wiping off sweat and passing years are not really new concepts. It is in the last six lines that a specific moment starts to get captured. Perhaps elaborating on line 7, explaining the circumstances that get breezed over, could help develop a connection to this woman. Otherwise, I am going to have a hard feeling for her as much as the speaker. I see a lot of potential here

-geoff